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[Debate/Åä·Ð] (HM-032) Trouble with in-laws reveals trouble in marriage
ÃÖ°í°ü¸®ÀÚ  |  17-01-23 08:06
Çѱ¹¾î·Î µÈ ¹®Á¦¸¦ º¸¸é¼­, ¿µ¾î·Î´Â ¾î¶»°Ô Ç¥ÇöÀÌ µÇ´ÂÁö¸¦ »ý°¢ÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
¿ø¾î¹ÎÀÇ Ç¥Çö°ú, Çѱ¹ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ÈçÈ÷ »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼ö Àִ ǥÇöÀÇ Â÷À̸¦ º¸¸é¼­
»ì¾Æ Àִ ǥÇö, ¶Ñ·ÇÇÑ ÀÇ»ç Àü´ÞÀÇ ±â¼úÀ» ¹è¿ì½Ã±æ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù.

[Problem]

Àú´Â ½ÃºÎ¸ð´Ô°ú °ü°è¸¦ ¼ö¸³ÇÏ·Á°í 15³â°£ ³ë·ÂÇÑ ³¡¿¡, ÃÖ±Ù ±×µé°úÀÇ ¿¬¶ôÀ» ²÷±â·Î °á½ÉÇß½À´Ï´Ù. ±×µéÀº ±â¸¸ÀûÀ̾úÀ¸¸ç Á¦°¡ º¸Áö ¾Ê´Â µ¥¼­ Á¦ ³²Æí¿¡°Ô Àú¿¡ ´ëÇØ ¼ö±º´ë°í ÀÖ¾î¿ä. ³²ÆíÀÇ Àڱ⠰¡Á·¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã漺½ÉÀº ÀÌÇØÇÏÁö¸¸, ÀڽŵéÀÇ ÇൿÀÌ ºÒ°ÇÀüÇÏ´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» °è¼ÓÇؼ­ ºÎÀÎÇÏ´Â °ÍÀº Àú¿¡°Ô ÇØ·Ó´Ù´Â »ý°¢ÀÌ °­ÇÏ°Ô µì´Ï´Ù. ½ÃºÎ¸ð´Ô°úÀÇ °­¿äµÈ ¸¸³²ÀÌ Àú¸¦ À°Ã¼ÀûÀ¸·Î º´µé°Ô ÇØ¿ä.
After 15 years of trying to establish a relationship with my in-laws, I recently decided to sever my contact with them. They have been deceptive and talk about me to my husband in whispers behind my back. I understand his loyalty to his family, but I strongly feel that continuing to deny that their behavior is unhealthy is unhealthy for me. Being forced to see them makes me physically ill.

¾î¶»°Ô Çϸé Á¦°¡ µ¿ÂüÇÏÁö ¾Ê¾Æµµ Á¦ ³²ÆíÀÌ ½ÃºÎ¸ð´Ô°ú °ü°è¸¦ À¯ÁöÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» ¾Ë ¼ö ÀÖ°Ô µµ¿ÍÁÙ ¼ö ÀÖ³ª¿ä? - ¾Ö¸®Á¶³ª ÁÖ¿¡¼­ ´Ù ³¡³­ µ¶ÀÚ
How can I help my husband see that he can have a relationship with his parents without my participation? - I'M DONE, IN ARIZONA

[Advice]

´Ù ³¡³ª½Å µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²: ½ÃºÎ¸ð´ÔÀ» ÇÇÇÏ´Â °ÍÀº ÇØ´äÀÌ ¾Æ´Ï¿¡¿ä. ¸¸ÀÏ Á¾Àü¿¡ ³²Æí²²¼­ ½ÃºÎ¸ð´Ô²² ¸Â¼± Àûµµ, µ¶ÀÚ´Ô ÆíÀ» µé¾îÁØ Àûµµ ¾ø¾ú´Ù¸é, µ¶ÀÚ´ÔÀÇ °áÈ¥ »ýÈ°ÀÌ ¹®Á¦°¡ ÀÖ´Â °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ½ÃºÎ¸ð´ÔÀÌ ÇØ¿Â ÇൿµéÀÌ ¸ç´À¸®¸¦ ¾àÈ­½ÃÅ°°í ÀÚ½ÅÀÇ °áÈ¥ »ýÈ°À» ¹æÇØÇÏ°í ÀÖ´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» ³²Æí²²¼­ ±ú´ÞÀ» ¼ö ÀÖ°Ô µµ¿ÍÁÙ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â °øÀÎµÈ °áÈ¥ »ó´ã¿øÀ» ãÀ¸¼¼¿ä. ±×¸®°í ³ª¼­ ³²Æí²²¼­ ¹®Á¦¸¦ ½ÃÁ¤ÇÒ ¸¸Å­ ±»¼¼ ÈûÀ» °®µµ·Ï Çà¿îÀ» ºô¾îÁֽñ⠹ٶø´Ï´Ù.    
DEAR DONE: Avoiding your in-laws isn't the answer. If your husband hasn't stood up to his parents and sided with you before now, your marriage is in trouble. Find a licensed marriage counselor who can "help" him realize that what his parents have been doing is undercutting his wife and sabotaging his marriage. Then cross your fingers that he's strong enough to do something to correct it.

[¾îÈÖ & Ç¥Çö]

* deceptive ±â¸¸ÀûÀÎ, ÇöȤÇÏ´Â (= deliberately intended to make someone believe something that is not true)
e.g.) This behavior is deceptive and disingenuous. ÀÌ·¯ÇÑ ÇൿÀº ±â¸¸ÀûÀÌ°í ¼ÖÁ÷ÇÏÁö ¸øÇÏ´Ù.

* in whispers ¼Ò°ï¼Ò°ï, ¼ö±º¼ö±º, ³ªÁ÷³ªÁ÷, ¼÷´ö¼÷´ö (= with a very quiet voice) 
 e.g.) They talked in whispers among them-selves when they saw me. ±×µéÀº ³ª¸¦ º¸´õ´Ï ÀÚ±âµé³¢¸® ¹¹¶ó°í ¼ö±º°Å·È´Ù.

* stand up to somebody ~¿¡°Ô ÀúÇ×ÇÏ´Ù[¸Â¼­´Ù] (= to refuse to accept unfair treatment from a person or organization)
e.g.) It was brave of her to stand up to those bullies. »ç¶÷À» ±«·ÓÈ÷´Â ±×·± ³à¼®µé¿¡°Ô ¸Â¼­´Ù´Ï ±×³à´Â ¿ë°¨Çß´Ù.

* undercut ¾àÈ­½ÃÅ°´Ù (= to make someone's work, plans etc. not be successful or effective) 
e.g.) Some members of the board were trying to undercut the chairman's authority. 
ÀÌ»çÁøÀÇ ±¸¼º¿øµé Áß ÀϺΰ¡ ÀÇÀåÀÇ ±ÇÀ§¸¦ ¾àÈ­½ÃÅ°·Á´Â ½Ãµµ¸¦ ÇÏ°í ÀÖ¾ú´Ù.

* cross your fingers (°ËÁö¿Í ÁßÁö¸¦ °ãÄ¡¸ç) Çà¿îÀ» ºô´Ù[¼º°øÀ» ±â¿øÇÏ´Ù] 
(= to hope that something will be successful; wish somebody good luck) 
e.g.) I'm crossing my fingers that my proposal will be accepted. ³ª´Â ³» Á¦¾È¼­°¡ ¹Þ¾Æµé¿©Áö±æ ±â¿øÇÏ°í ÀÖ´Ù.